Outside the Law

March 20, 2011

Clinical Chemo Trial: Day 28 – Fear(less)

Filed under: Cancer — Jeniene @ 7:55 pm
Tags: , , , , ,
  • True lasting success comes only with surrender, which is the opposite of control. ~ Daily Meditation
  • Is it fear or dread?… This is something that’s ultimately going to help you — that’s nothing to be afraid of.  It may just be semantics, but the distinction, I hope, will help. ~ Jeff
  • If you accept that you are scared, and admit it to others as you have … fear has no where left to go. ~ Isabelle
  • [O]ne could make the same argument about our medical speed bumps, eh? They help us appreciate the beauty of boring ol’ everyday living …. [E]njoying the change of seasons. ~ Ken

The morning of this most recent Wrench Wednesday, I posted how frightened I was to face it.  Later that day, I received four comments from friends (well, one was from my daily meditation, but we’re on friendly terms).  Each of the responses were really helpful.   My friend Jeff mentioned that although it might have seemed like semantics, I was probably feeling more dread than fear over the pending treatment.  He was right.  I knew what to expect, I was just dreading going through it again.  My friend Isabelle reminded me that just saying it out loud was enough to release it and the daily meditation echoed that.  And my friend, Ken, simply reminded me to enjoy the changes of seasons.

So, anyway, armed with those helpful missives, I approached Wrench Wednesday a little differently.  I admitted to my oncologist all of the side effects I was suffering and requested assistance (which helped beautifully).  I admitted to myself that I was dreading this thing that is ultimately going to help me (we hope) and that it was okay to dread it.  It sucked.  It made me feel awful.  But I made it through.  And I also remembered to recognize that Spring is finally upon us and that the weather is warming up.  This medical speed bump, as Ken called it, has indeed made me appreciate the boring, everyday aspect of my life.  Just the non-Wrench Wednesday weeks are better in comparison.

So, for anyone out there who thought they would send me a little note but refrained because it seemed trite or, I don’t know, seemingly insignificant, please send it.  You never know when it might change someone’s perspective monumentally.

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