Outside the Law

March 6, 2011

Clinical Chemo Trial: Day 14 (clang clang clang)

When I was 12, my mom was undergoing chemotherapy for uterine cancer.  I asked her once what it felt like to deal with the surgery and then the chemo drugs.   She, of few words, said, “It [felt] like getting kicked in the teeth by a mule and then the mule just stands over you stepping on you periodically.”  Having never been kicked in the teeth by a mule I didn’t have a great point of reference, but I was certainly born with a vivid imagination.  Plus, all I really needed was to look at my mom’s face and posture after her treatments and I was clear how bad she was feeling.  This is in the ’80s when the response drugs to chemotherapy weren’t close to what they are now.  My mom wore a wig and went to work and dealt with it on her own.  She was a tough, strong, amazing woman.  In some ways she was lucky because her kids were a bit older and self-sufficient, but still; she came home, cooked dinner, sometimes played Uno or Trivial Pursuit with us, confirmed that our homework was completed, ironed clothes for the next day and made it all seem … seamless.  Let me repeat that she was this phenomenally strong amazing woman.

I am day four past my second chemo infusion and only now capable of typing on the computer and that is not without numerous typos, breaks and confusion.  I can barely see.  The headaches I am suffering from the Avastin trial drug are excruciating.  They thankfully have seemed to taper off a bit this morning.   My saving grace is that I have an enormous support network around me keeping me relatively sane (Gregory to be certain, Logan, Greg’s parents, and friends and colleagues who are stepping up where I am falling down).

My big question for myself, is am I tough enough.  Tough enough to kick this things ass before it kicks mine.  I’ve got my mom’s blood in me, so I’m pretty sure that I am.  But I won’t lie, this weekend has tested me.

More later.

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